| Well, 41 today.
Let's review.
-- Istarted out thies moring before oing to the hospital having one fried tell that she believed I thought she was friends with her only because eof my money.
-- I am still bleeding from JT attack here the other night.
-- read the previous two or three entries and jump right into my nightmare.
-- just got done talking to jt again, but i am justt out of fight.
-- i now nfeel totally isolated from MK.
-- for my birthday i got aq cheep bottle of saki. that's all wwe couild afford afteer sending a opresent to a friend who richly deserved it..
-- i am almost getting lost iin my own house. I am having periods wheere i get total confusion,
--- i should not care. i should not. it caan only lead to disaster.
now i fear i am the one on the airplane..
happy birhday, chuck..,.no one gives a damn. time to fade away. |
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cptchuck's journal
Happy Birthday. Sean's Dad and my Grandfather were also born on the 14th.
Reading your past few entries I found somewhat interesting. I notice that you see all of your little tiffs and problems, but fail to do anything to sheild yourself from the thing that does the most damage to you at all - which is yourself. I'm not saying that every morning you hop into the tub to curl into the fetal position and slash at yourself with your wife's razors. You create this entire pseudo world on the internet and let it interfer with your real, every day, "three-dimensional" (As you call it) life. I think this is the real hazard you face. Although it is true, that everyone on here is a real person with real problems in our own little corner of the globe, it doesn't mean that you have to care as much as you do about it. They don't live near you, they don't come over to look at your Christmas tree every year, and they certainly don't sit in your Gazebo with you on the fourth of July sipping on lemonade.
I would make a pretty good bet that you spend a lot of the time that you're not on the computer, thinking about things that you do when you are on the computer. I have noticed that not many of these entries talk about anything really physical in your life, how your kids report cards were, your wife's pretty new dress, this funny show you saw, or how the guy down the street backed into your mailbox. Where's the mental preoccupation with the things that you cabn physically see and touch?
When it comes down to what really matters, those are the things that are really, REALLY there for you in life. We aren't the ones everyday dealing with your condition, every moment. We aren't the ones having to make sacrifices to know that you'll be around for another year. Because of this I think that you need to focus more on what does. I'm sure that your kids are on summer break by now, why not go do something with them? Make ice cream, watch a movie, sit outside in your gazebo and watch them attack eachother with super soakers only to pull out the hose yourself and totally annihilate the winner with a spray they weren't expecting from goold old dad. I wanted to say more, but I'm tired now.